Together

She never truly understood the depth of her own feelings

It was only when his heart needed healing

And she could do nothing to ease his ailing

Was when she realised how futile was all this waiting

She wanted to say something, anything to make it right

But the words failed her, knowing nothing she said was gona make it alright

So while she stood by and watched him suffer

She decided she needed to be tougher

For life was going to put such hurdles along the way

But together they could face any mayday

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Learning to live without you 💙

Looking at the empty side of your bed where you used to lay

I paused for a moment, only to just carry on with the rest of my day

All the people I met, asked me if I was doing okay

But did anyone actually care what I really wanted to say?

Could I tell them that my world was broken and it bores a hole in my chest?

That no matter what I do doesn’t seem to let me rest!

So all I say is I’m fine with a half-hearted smile

And off I go; so I can hide behind my work files

Day one had just begun

And I was already waiting for it to get done

As I head back to our now empty home

Hoping to hear your angry voice as I eat from that take out near our home

Only to realise that now I’ll never get to hear you say

Feeling sorry for all the times I told you to stay out of my way

As I silently cry myself to sleep

Only to wake up and weep; 

some more

With dreary eyes,

I look up at the skies

Wishing I could wrap my arms around you

Knowing that holding your photograph was the least I could do

And just like that I live out my days 

Trying to fit in the world again with every passing day

Scared that I might forget about you somewhere along the way

And so I got that promotion you said I always deserved, took that trip you so longed for, married the kind of girl you’d approve of; but I could never learn to be whole again. My world still remains broken. But my little one who’s graced by your halo I can surely tell, tries to make my world a better place because I know she is a part of me just as I was a part of you. 

Praying to the Almighty that she doesn’t share the same fate I did.

Even after so many years, when I sit by your grave; reminiscing all those years gone by, tears stream down my face and I feel something crack inside of me.

Because you taught me everything mum. Just not how to live without you 💔

Choice.

The more she  thought about it, the more she would realise the ridiculousness of it all.

It amused her how only a few months ago, clinging onto hope seemed like the most difficult thing ever.

And today, it came to her as naturally as breathing.

She paid a price of course, to achieve this. To become this person.

But the things that once seemed like life shattering and losing her mind over,

Now seemed like a lifetime away, or rather she left that miserable person to sulk in that limbo
Because today when she looks into the mirror, she is okay to know that things are not going her way today;

And that they might not for a while, but she puts on her kohl and goes on with the day.

Not because she thinks she doesn’t have a choice but in fact because she knows it’s her choice. That she is choosing happiness over broken dreams in hopes to mend those broken pieces. 

She knows that what doesn’t kill you, well it doesn’t kill you because you are stronger; stronger than you think you are. And anyone telling you otherwise; well just let them be.