The more she thought about it, the more she would realise the ridiculousness of it all.
It amused her how only a few months ago, clinging onto hope seemed like the most difficult thing ever.
And today, it came to her as naturally as breathing.
She paid a price of course, to achieve this. To become this person.
But the things that once seemed like life shattering and losing her mind over,
Now seemed like a lifetime away, or rather she left that miserable person to sulk in that limbo
Because today when she looks into the mirror, she is okay to know that things are not going her way today;
And that they might not for a while, but she puts on her kohl and goes on with the day.
Not because she thinks she doesn’t have a choice but in fact because she knows it’s her choice. That she is choosing happiness over broken dreams in hopes to mend those broken pieces.
She knows that what doesn’t kill you, well it doesn’t kill you because you are stronger; stronger than you think you are. And anyone telling you otherwise; well just let them be.
There was a certain aura to the night. It was dark all around, save for the all luminiscent moon whose beauty was nothing short of alluring. The cold crisp wind brought with it the sound of rustling leaves and for the first time; could I admire how absolutely delightful it was to my ears. On one side I could hear the dogs howling out of the piercing cold and on the other I could hear the faint engine ravings from far across.
Often when I gaze at the night sky, a million things go on in my mind. Probably like the rest of you. But I never had the time to delve into them or indulge myself into those thoughts.
It was a night just like any other but yet not like so many others. Probably because after a very long time, I spent so much time enjoying the open courtyard like a child with not a care in the world.
So as I tried to find a constellation with my naked eye (of course to no avail! 🙈) I kept wondering.
Those stars unaware and oblivious to the magnanimous and magnificent world beyond them, in so many ways beyond anything that my mind can imagine. Wondering where do I even fit it in this gigantic universe? Is there a world beyond ours? Or are we alone, only waiting for oblivion? Either scenario seems daunting to me.
Is there an alternate universe where a different version of me is probably a 50 year old and inaugurating her latest book launch while this version of me is trying to get into your heads through this blog? (Okay I know that’s far fetched, but a girl can dream, right? 😜)
And while sitting in that courtyard, stargazing at the wide expanse, I felt so grateful to have been able to steal that moment from reality and escape into a flight of fancy, if only for a little while. After all, those fleeting moments are the ones that help you cherish this otherwise mundane life☺
She didn’t know then what she knows now. She doesn’t know yet what she will know tomorrow. She doesn’t have all the answers yet, but she also doesn’t know all the questions yet. Sometimes she thinks it’s queer but if she really put her mind on it, she realized she was being so silly it made her laugh.
She couldn’t wait for the future to unravel, to learn what life had in store for her. She had built her own castle of glass only for it to break into pieces. But in those pieces, she found her happy place again.Little did she know, it was only the beginning.
For every story that ends in shards of glass, a new one begins, like the phoenix who rises from its ashes.
So I was just flipping through channels and wishing really hard that I get to watch some nice chick flick or romcom and lucky me! “Seventeen Again” was on. And why would I not rewatch it? Zac Effron looks❤ and who doesn’t want to see our dear Mr. Bing(Mathew Perry) on our TV screen if only for a little while?
So for those who don’t know, the story revolves around this really unhappy guy Mike who is really just a loser in life (or so he thinks) and is at the verge of getting a divorce cause like every male chauvinist, he thinks his wife is the reason for all his failures and makes a wish to get a second chance at life. Who knew the next day he would wake up as his own seventeen year old self stuck in high school with his own children? (Funny how they come up with such plots, eh?) But what’s not funny is the fact that he needed to go back to his younger self to realize he didn’t want a second chance at life but a second chance with his wife, to make it up to her for all the 20 years he spent being angry and resentful.
Now that was just a movie. But there are plenty of us who would probably give anything to just have a second chance to alter the course of their life, me included. Probably to say some things differently or speak those unspoken words that would otherwise just get lost in time like they have today! But now these are just words, well kept secrets or maybe some desires kept hidden deep into one of the many drawers in our hearts. Our life is made up of many such “What if” moments. So how do we give ourselves a closure from them? Of course we are not capable of screwing up with time lines unless we are Barry Allen 😜 (*takes a bow for the reference :p *)
So why not take life as it comes? And coming from a person who has never taken spur of the moment decisions( at least not that I remember😕), why not listen to our hearts and do what it wants NOW? Paulo Coelho rightly said,” Listen to your heart while you still can.” I am probably sounding a little hypocritical here because I remember speaking about how I didn’t get how people talk about seizing the moment and that’s not really practical.
But I guess that’s what is development, right? Because life is not made up of all the big things but all these small moments of joy, of pure satisfaction and love.
And then; maybe just then we wouldn’t ever feel the need to change our past. We would be comfortable with all there was, is and all that’s going to be. And maybe then; just then, can we become a better version of ourselves. The one that’s comfortable in their own skin. The one that is only love and compassion and empathy. And although this might sound a little too utopian, aren’t we all striving to have our own little imperfectly perfect world?
Juliet correctly said in one of her letters ( yes I’m referring to the movie 😜) ( Go ahead, call me a movie buff I don’t mind 😉), “What and If are as non-threatening as words could be. But when put side by side, they have the ability to haunt us forever.”
So why voluntarily give so much power to these two words when we can weild all the power there is, within us? We just got to find the courage to embrace it ☺
So recently I watched this amazing movie: Nil Battey Sannata(guys you should seriously go watch this movie. And no I’m not receiving any commission for this!) The story is of a poor but extremely hard working mother whose only dream in life is to educate her daughter so that she doesn’t have to work as a “bai” one day and that of a daughter who believed that to dream; was only something that the rich could afford. She was going to become a “bai” like her mom, she knew it and so, never studied. But you know how moms are, right? Once they determine to do something, not even the Almighty can stop it! So this mom, Chanda starts going to the same school and study for the matriculate exam(she failed in this exam in her yesteryears) in hopes of her daughter Appu(Apeksha) getting motivated to study. Not only she overcame the social stigma that follows with a mother going to a school and studying but she also worked day and night when she was not at school so she could earn enough to afford a nice education to support Appu’s future. To top it all, Appu was agitated by her mom’s decision and couldn’t see the silver lining to this whole arc that was developing in her life; that would be life changing for both of them!
Now working hard for your child’s future is not unusual but to go to such lengths, is. If truth be told, Appu was Chanda’s only dream and she could not just be a passive witness to her daughter’s aimless journey of a life.
In the course of our lifetime, our parents make a lot of sacrifices to make us what we become. And they do so without expecting anything in return. Now where do we get that kind of unconditional love? I’m sure most of us would have had this talk with our parents cause I sure have had them with my mom: look kid, as a child I had so many dreams and desires but our parents couldn’t afford it and I never complained but I persevered so that my kids would never have to face the same fate. I see my dreams manifest in you and nothing gives me so much pleasure as seeing you beam with happiness! But maybe you’ll understand this when you become a mom yourself.
And maybe we will understand the full depth then, someday. But can we not thank them today with all our hearts for all that they’ve done for us and will continue to do till their last breath? Can we not be grateful for all those times when they gave us food first knowing nothing might be left for them after that? Can we not be humble enough to spend some quality time with them today(for all those times they didn’t think about their enjoyment and made sure we got a better childhood than them) so we don’t regret when someday they are not around? Cause honestly, they don’t want our money. All they want is for us to lead a nice, fulfilled life and some of our time. So next time when you are with them, just take few minutes from your phones or laptops and talk to them( anything; a simple how was your day!) and see that million dollar smile on their faces! It’s priceless!
At times, we feel our parents pushed their dreams and wishes upon us and compelled us into doing what they wanted to do in the first place! But that’s where we are missing the point. They only want us to dream; to dream big and work our asses off to achieve it. Because there is no bigger a loser than a person with no dream in life.
Now I am a Chartered Accountant and a CA is expected to be the master of audit and taxation. But I never was and never will be! Cause that was never my intention. A CA studies so many subjects, I don’t understand why his/her’s life should revolve around only these two! And that is my dream. I want to be an equity analyst and a writer too(maybe someday I’ll write a book or two, eh ;))and although it’s not easy( who said life was easy anyway?) and there are times when I feel like shit as I’ve been sitting home jobless for so long; it is only my mom and dad who give me the strength to rise each time I fall, the courage to pick myself up when I feel low.
So dream. Just like your parents envisioned a dream:YOU. Because parents are the only people who have no selfish interest in your success and who will do everything in their power to help you make your dream come true. Just like Apeksha who is now ready to become an IAS officer and it was only possible because her Chanda had the guts to do something unique!
In life, you will always find people who would turn a blind eye to what you have to say, mock you for what are your passions and what drives you. It’s best to let go of them and move on and do what you gotta do. Cause whatever you do, the thing that’s most important is that you are happy; the thing that gives you most satisfaction. It could be anything, from working a 9-5 job or being a creative artist, or something as simple as gardening! Never let anyone burn out that flame in you! Chanda rightly says: “Sapne to zarur dekhne chahiye. Aur jo tumhare sapne ka mazak uadye use keh do bhaad me jaayio! Lekin jo tumhare sapne ko samjhe, use hamesha gale se lagakar rakhiyo! ”
Cause only when you dream, will it turn to a desire, a desire to a longing yearn and when a human yearns for something, he/she will leave no stone unturned to achieve it!
So what did we learn today? “Dream.” Warna Nil Battey Sannata(Humara kuch nai ho sakta)
PS: Mother’s day is just around the corner and I don’t need a special day to tell my mom I love her cause I do so everyday. But what I really want to say is that “mommy, thank you for allowing me to be my own person even when at times you don’t approve of that person! Thank you for allowing me to dream and inspiring and motivating me each day to achieve it even when I least expect to get closer to my dream. I’m so grateful to you for believing in me when even a small task like making a coffee seems like a dream? Thank you for all the times I lashed out on you and you showered your love all the same.”
Happy Mother’s Day
It so happened that a professor started showing a video called the “class of rowdies” to his class. In that class full of rowdies, was this quiet little girl, Zara. Mind you, quiet; but brilliant. She was bullied by everyone for being such a zombie in school who always sat alone. Fidgeting with herself and always aloof. Then there came this new teacher one day,who on her first day was just as dumbfounded as anyone else who came to that class. No discipline, no respect for teacher or anybody. A hopeless case. But the teacher didn’t give up just yet. She came up with an awesome plan! The next day onwards, she asked the students to come and talk or explain about any topic which interested them and within weeks, were showing amazing results! All the students turned out to have brilliant minds which were finally being channelized in the right direction. In the meanwhile, the teacher also got to know of Zara’s hidden talent, of writing poems! Now the day arrived when it was only her who had not spoken up. And the entire class which was so used to bullying her, were finally cheering for her and encouraging her to come forward and speak. Mustering all her courage, Zara walked to the centre of the class and poured her heart out, for the first time, with the classroom resonating with applauds for her.
While all this was happening in a reel classroom, somewhere, sitting in a corner of the real classroom, were a pair of eyes with tears in them as they saw the beautiful video. Someone who could see a little bit of herself in Zara. As the lights turned out, quickly wiping out her tears so that no one could see her, she went on with the day. And then the next. And the next.
But that story somehow got under her skin and made her wonder, although she was not exactly like Zara, she was this young introvert girl who had so much to offer to the world but thought that others were better, superior to her. She knew she was good at what she did. But she lacked self-belief. Now you may say that it was probably because people never really appreciated her, encouraged her to be her own person. Cause sometimes it’s good to hear from someone else what we already know inside our heart. Well that certainly was not the case. Friends, family never doubted her. If there ever was one person who doubted her, it was herself. Someone told her one day that she needs to stop judging herself so much. And life will be easy. Again, not something she didn’t already know. She’s been trying for years now, to grow out of it. To speak her mind always, talk to people and she is progressing but it’s still a long way to go!
Don’t you think that there is a small Zara inside all of us? Some are just great at keeping her at bay and be their best selves. To all those Zara’s out there, I want to say just one thing : life is beautiful and it’s better to live it before it leaves us. The first step is loving yourself and accepting the fact that you are YOU and you are just as good as anyone else. And showcase to the world what you’ve got, cause only then will they know! Only then will they understand. Only then will they believe.
But first, you’ve got to believe in your own self. And do what you love. Love what you do.
Today that girl has embarked on her journey and you all know her by the name #exploringmyhorizons 😉