Love and commitments and all that shiz… 💭💘

It’s so sad that we live in a generation where it’s okay to fall in and out of “love” just like that! Where it’s okay to go around and keep seeing other fish out there, cause no one’s looking for “commitment”(and it’s so much more convenient now isn’t it? One left swipe and phew!)

The moment the C word comes into a conversation, people start pulling the plugs on their relationships. Nobody wants to make an effort and nobody wants to take the first step towards building together and seeing it through. 

You want someone to be your light at the end of a dark day but are not comfortable to enlighten them; you don’t let them in. Because well, your space. You don’t want to lose that. You don’t want them to see your vulnerable side. (But love makes you vulnerable! It makes you strong; yes; to face your demons, to face the world. But between the two of you, it can overwhelm you too much for you to handle.)

So now you decide to simply not utter the 3 sacred words and you think all’s well. Because the L word is out of the picture! 

But is it, really? You spend time with each other, just like friends do. Because hey, remember we’re not calling anybody “lovers” here.! So you say this comes with no attachments. But attachments are formed and expectations develop and then one of you maybe are courageous enough to speak it up. To confess your feelings. And all shit goes down! Because you were not prepared to feel so vulnerable when your beloved “friend” walks away from all this emo drama that you are trying to burden them with and which you both so casually and coolly decided to refrain from.

And that’s when it hits you, that you were actually right! You indeed shouldn’t have gone down this path of attachments and commitments and after a few months of sloshed weekends with your friends and maybe a few drunken calls or texts, you put yourself out there and the vicious cycle  begins. And this time you are even more determined to not fall in the trap!

So you see how you’ve got yourself to believe that you are so unworthy of love and affection;  trust and commitment, that you keep losing yourself a little, each time you do this?  And sadly our generation believes that this is it. That the golden days of romance, courtship and beautiful relationships are the privilege of only a few. And while finding true love is indeed rare and special, our beloved “millennials” believe that they are in fact doomed for love. 

And all I can think of to say to them is that a very sentimental and genuine man( most of you know him by the name Ted Mosby) one said,

“But love doesn’t make sense! You cannot logic  your way into or out of it. Or else we are lost and love is dead. And humanity should just pack it in; because love is the best think that we do.”


Choice.

The more she  thought about it, the more she would realise the ridiculousness of it all.

It amused her how only a few months ago, clinging onto hope seemed like the most difficult thing ever.

And today, it came to her as naturally as breathing.

She paid a price of course, to achieve this. To become this person.

But the things that once seemed like life shattering and losing her mind over,

Now seemed like a lifetime away, or rather she left that miserable person to sulk in that limbo
Because today when she looks into the mirror, she is okay to know that things are not going her way today;

And that they might not for a while, but she puts on her kohl and goes on with the day.

Not because she thinks she doesn’t have a choice but in fact because she knows it’s her choice. That she is choosing happiness over broken dreams in hopes to mend those broken pieces. 

She knows that what doesn’t kill you, well it doesn’t kill you because you are stronger; stronger than you think you are. And anyone telling you otherwise; well just let them be.

It wasn’t enough

He wanted to love her, the same way she wanted him to

She wanted his love, his warmth, his affection, his all

But his heart was just not ready to take the fall

He thought he could give her his all

But all he could give her was a phone call

She was his friend, was all he could see

To him, It was all that they could be

 

She had built a castle of dreams, only for her to see

But when her castle broke into pieces

He tried so hard to mend it, 

For she was his best friend, his soul mate 

And yet that still wasn’t enough


The fall that we have all taken at some point in our lives….💔💭

You walked into my life when I least expected it
So much so that the first time has faded into a blurred memory 

With my mind trying to recrete the memory and failing miserably each time

Who knew that this was all a scheme

That time had in store for me?

Do you see how my face brightens up just seeing you smile?
Is that a twinkling in your eyes I see when I look into them? 

Or is that just a little figment of my imagination?

Maybe you don’t see it; maybe you do

But I do, I see  everything; or so I think

Because when I do think about it, it all vanishes in a blink

Torn between waiting for you to come around or protect my heart and let go

Don’t know which one’s tougher though,

Waiting for something that’s also maybe waiting for me

Or walking away from something that I am not even sure could ever be mine? 

Why…?💭🤔

Why, as we grow up, do we silently succumb into other people’s perceptions of us?

Why, as we grow up, do we bury ourselves underneath other people’s expectations of us?

Social media is flooded with posts like “somewhere between ____ & ____ , we all grow up”

And while growing up is only natural, why have we let it also kill our innocence, that happy go lucky child in us?

As kids, we had so many dreams, we wanted to shoot for the stars

And of course that was unrealistic, maybe for most of us

But that never stopped us from dreaming

Why, as we grow up, do we put a full stop to it? 

Why do we only open up hearts and spill out our innate desires, only when drowned in the modern day “amrut”?

Is it really so difficult to actually have a heart to heart talk with people? 

Well it probably is, but you’ll never know unless you try!.

So instead of staring at your screens and resenting the fact that you’ve grown up

Go talk to that person next you or make that text or phone call you’ve been detaing to make for months. Take that road trip with your friends, spend some time with your parents, learn that hobby you’ve spent years contemplating about. Dream, dream with your eyes closed, or eyes wide open. And don’t let anyone tell you that your dreams are too big. Because even if they are, they are yours and yours alone and nobody can take that away from you 😇

And maybe somewhere between today and tomorrow, when you realise you’ve grown up, maybe you’ll even stop and smile, and have a moment to yourself, knowing that you even found some happiness along the way 💫

Life in a local train

As a Mumbaikar, the one thing that is probably capable of scaring a Lot of people, is travelling in “aamchi local trains”. 

Even a person who adores Mumbai can admit that although local trains have proved to be a boon for day to day travel, the relentless battles that are fought everyday by millions of people for boarding a train or ascending from one, are quite cringeworthy. 

Anyone who’s ever travelled in a ladies first class will also agree the elitist attitude of the so called upper middle class women in our city is at times unfathomable. You cannot touch someone’s hand or shoulder by the effect of a sudden jolt which is a usual occurrence in trains. Sitting on 4th seat? Welcome to 13 glaring eyes looking at you. Someone who apparently doesn’t ” appear” to be a person who could travel in first class is curtly shown the door on the next station. And they easily say that “the women in the other compartment fight and  shout if something happens. Have no sense of civil conduct.” 

Just yesterday when I was heading home from work, I witnessed a situation where a girl kept her bag and she probably by mistake or I don’t know if it was intentional, on another woman’s feet! Don’t know exactly what transpired later but even my noise cancelling Sennihiser earphones couldn’t stop their voices from being audible, leaving me as an eavesdropper to their heated conversation. No sooner than it started, they were speaking at the top of their voices, throwing abuses at each other and the men in the general compartment were having a gala time as spectators to the “cat fight”, as we all like to call it. And why only men? Even the other ladies were silently mocking these two females. 

In this whole scenario, what really struck me is the evidence of the fact that no matter where you travel, we all are essentially the same. The only difference I could see between the so called elitist crowd and the others is that they haul abuses in English which makes them think that they are sophisticated than those who say the same things but only in local languages! Honestly, I was almost laughing to myself there and had to resist somehow, else I would have been on the receiving end of the stick this time 😂😜

While this is definitely the ugly side, there is something uniting too about train journeys. No other city in our country will have a concept of “train friends”. But in  aamchi Mumbai people also have train friends apart from all their other friends. You can see them acting like a close knit group if you’ve travelled enough to see them daily. They’ll celebrate festivals in train, get sweets for each other, and of course they find someone where they can vent their emotions without any fear of being caught!

So no matter how much we detest travelling in trains because of the heat and the mad rush hours, we should be greatful for this invention that has made day to day commuting cheaper and convenient for millions of people. And also, remember that just like you, everyone is heading home at the end of a tiring day at work only to complete a few more chores at home and no one is really in the mood to argue or even has the energy, really. Let’s remember this and try to be more kinder.