Set free again

Just when I felt ready to fight my demons
In walked you, to turnaround my season

A beacon of hope, with a laugh so contagious
I couldn’t help but feel courageous

Courage to feel again, to dream again
Allowing myself to get out of the mundane

Clueless to what your old school charm was doing to me
Slowly, I felt myself being set free

Free to love again, to dream again
Healing from all the pain

Wonder if you caught even a glimpse of it in my eyes
Or were really just oblivious, letting the time fly

Whatever it may be,
Just want to say thank you for setting me free

Free to feel again, to dream again

Only know you love them when you let them go

Letting go, the best thing one can do for themselves

But why is it so hard ?

Maybe because we are often used to the comfort of having the known in our lives

Or maybe because when we have to let go of someone we love, we also lose a part of ourselves in the process. The part that will cherish them forever 

They say time is the best healer. 

But is it, truly? 
Unless we make a conscious choice to let go, heal and free ourselves of the shackles of the remnant of our emotions, no amount of time can save us!

Now knowing when to let go is one of the hardest things we will ever do in our lives. But again, knowing when to let go is just the first step.

To find the courage to really let go of someone you love, is what makes a world of difference. Wish there was a crash course for this just like we have it for a zillion other things, lol ! 

As I write this today, having overcome the hurdles of letting go and embracing what life has for me in this season of my life, I sometimes find myself reminiscing those memories shoved deep in the recesses of my heart. And while my heart still aches at times, thinking about what could’ve been, I rest assured knowing that whatever happens, is for the best. 

I forgive myself and free me of the burden of shame and regret laden on my heart, holding no resentment. They will aways have a piece of my heart, the one that I finally let go. Having peace knowing that what’s not meant to be will always stray further away the harder I try to hold on. And what’s meant to be, will find its way to me no matter how far I run away.

So I await with arms wide open to embrace what life has for me🤍

PS: Writing after what feels like a gazillion years! I know I’ve come back on wrote a post or two and went MIA again. Genuinely hope this time I’m back for good. Thank you my readers for still sticking around my blog. I appreciate you 🤍

PPS: Title credits: Let her go ( by Passenger)

Who knew it would become such a long good-bye

The memory of our last visit kept playing flashbacks before my eyes

As my hands kept yearning to feel the warmth of your touch again

Who knew it would become such a long good-bye

Kept rebuilding that memory each time

Wishing if only I had hugged you a little longer, knowing not when I’d get to do it again

But who knew all was going to change in just a few weeks’ time

Weeks and months passed us by,

Each phone call began ending with a sigh

Who knew it would become such a long good-bye

With only a phone screen between us, we started noticing the faint lines on each other’s face

Putting on our best smiles, this phase too, we embraced

Date nights got replaced by Netflix nights and virtual gaming

And just like that; arrived the season of raining

They say that distance makes your heart grow fonder

But thoughts of loneliness kept letting my mind go wander

As I lay in bed trying to stop my heart’s cry

Wondering why did it have to become such a long good-bye

As I kept holding onto the hope of seeing see you again

Life was starting to get more and more mundane

The sound of your laughter helped to lessen the pain

The brightness of your light kept my darkness at bay

Just for one chance of seeing you again, I prayed

Who knew our last visit would become such a long good-bye..

Looks like I came into some good luck

When one day I ran into you, leaving me totally awestruck

Beaming with joy underneath our poker face

We saw our eyes dance with humble grace

Wish I could come running to you

And we didn’t have to so quickly bid adieu

Wishing we didn’t have to just stop and stare

When we all we wanted to do was hug tight like a bear

Wanting to never let you go and hold you for just a little longer

But…I know we had to be stronger

As I walked back away from you,

Feeling completely anew

I could feel my heart elate with joy

But also almost doubting if my mind just made a clever ploy

Was it real or was I day dreaming

Now I could see my mind’s scheming

Taking me back to the memory of our last meeting..

And again I saw your face flash before my eyes

Wondering why did it become such a long good-bye..

PS: Feels good to be back after a long time 💙

All that we are and aren’t…💜

We are like two sides of the same coin, always together yet can’t embrace each other

We are like the sun and moon, one needs the other’s light to shine bright but forever apart

We are like tom and jerry, can’t live without each other, but can’t not fight either

Yet we are also like two peas in the same pod;

Perfectly complementing each others’ imperfections

Some days we are like Ross & Rachel, other times like Monica and Chandler and sometimes like Harry & Hermoine

We are not just two people in love, we are two people who have found a home in each other

They say find someone you can live with, but we found someone we can’t live without.

In between the chaos…

So I know I have been MIA like since forever now. And as I previously mentioned, I was going through a phase – writers’ block and then a struggling phase, or the lack of it. most of all, I was afraid of what my mind could have concocted at the time and so I just put it to rest. I was afraid that I would reach into the darkest recesses of my heart and the outcome – melancholy. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let my readers into those corners of my heart. In fact I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to read it myself.

But that’s all in the past now, at least I’d like to think. With my occasional visits on wordpress in the last several months, I feel like I am now ready to be back, for good. ( I genuinely hope that I am).

In these past months, there have been so many times when I wanted to write something but whenever I sat to jot down something, my thoughts would get incoherent and all over the place just as they have been today and I would just leave it at that.

But today is different, no matter what I am going to get this published even if it’s the worst piece I’ve ever written and just seems to be a rant, I am going to do it!

So many times my heart harkened to me to write about topics that I felt deeply about but I couldn’t or rather didn’t. Like the situation in Kashmir earlier in the year when our Lieutenant was caught, or the recent situation after the abrogation of article 370, the political propaganda in our country, the Amazon forest fires, the cutting of Aarey forests for Metro Car park or the climate change scene which garnered a lot of attention this year. But there was already too much being said and done about these issues from reliable as well as fake sources, I felt it would be too redundant to talk about and much less valuable coming from me when we have access to more informed resources for these kinda things.

But most of all, I wanted to write about my (sort of) solo trip to Malaysia, my new spiritual understandings or the lack of it, religion and faith – fascinating or disastrous? But somehow I just didn’t walk the extra mile and pen down my thoughts. Because hey, watching Netflix seemed much more easier than delving deep into my thoughts! ( But maybe I can write them now, let’s see )

Yes, that’s right. Off late, that’s all I’ve been doing along with occasionally making mandalas . Escaping my thoughts through Netflix and Amazon Prime. And you know it actually worked! I never thought I could escape my mind because the never-ending thoughts kept grappling me 24/7 and all I wanted was for them to stop! I realized sometimes we get so caught up in our own thoughts that it becomes nearly impossible to make sense of pretty much anything anymore. I needed to get out of that cycle; and when nothing else worked, not reading, music, definitely not meeting people and socializing, binge watching did! Netflix and Prime became my saviors in my lowest times and I am so grateful that they exist. There is one other thing that helped and should get its due credit – while reading in general was futile, reading religious texts and listening to gospel and religious music really gave me some peace of mind amidst the chaos. Sometimes they would spark unnecessary thoughts and fears but mostly, they helped me clear my mind and reminded me to have faith and trust. And like most of you must’ve experienced it at some point in life, when we are disturbed, when things don’t go our way that’s when it is the most difficult to have faith that He will pull us out of our situations and that we need only trust. Bui it’s exactly in these times that it is also the most important to put our faith in Him because He can deliver us from the trying times. For with God, nothing is impossible.

While I’m nearing the end of my rant, I also want to thank people closest to me who have always supported me in good times and bad, and stood by me, motivated and helped me sail through the low phases. Netflix is temporary but God’s grace and you guys are the ultimate source of my strength and peace!

For those of you who made it till the end of this post, thank you for sticking with me. Here’s to you all !! 🙂

PS – I will write more, I will. I have to, I want to. I hope I can. Just realized how much I have missed this.

We are so close yet so far apart

We are so close yet so far apart.

I get to listen to you talk. Talk about your dreams, your fears, your passions. And that gleam in your eyes when you talk about it, it makes me dream your dream too. I want to listen to all the songs of your heart, the ones you speak but mostly the ones you don’t.

We’re so close yet so far apart.

Sometimes I keep thinking what it’ll be like to actually be next to each other. Will the thumping in our hearts give away the excitement or rather the fear we secretly feel in our hearts?

We are so close yet so far apart.

Sometimes all I want to do is stroke my hands on that beautiful face of yours. Hold your hand and walk back home and kiss you like no one’s watching, until we run out of breath! Because lying in your arms, listening to your heart beating, feels like the safest place in the whole world.

But all I can do is give you a pat on your back. Give you a meek hug and steal glances to look into those black eyes; for fear of the world watching us.

I want to do all this and so much more. But for now I continue to do all of these things and wait. Because love is patient. And it is understanding. But most of all, love is powerful and yet it is also compassionate.

Holding hands

Holding hands – probably the most underrated expression of love.
Isn’t it amazing, how by merely entwining your fingers with that one person makes you feel so much stronger, so much loved. It exudes so much warmth and gives our heart such a reassurance that this person, standing right beside you is here for you no matter what.

Do you remember the first time when you held hands with the love of your life? After the initial tension, suddenly you find those fingers smoothly slipping in yours as if it was the only hand ever made to hold yours. How all your fears are cast aside by just their warm and affectionate touch? How suddenly you just know that all’s going to be right in your world?

It’s so pure. So innocent. It speaks I love you like a thousand words except those words are not spoken but only just felt. And oh so wonderfully.

Let tomorrow worry for itself

Sometimes our desire for that perfect future, our impatience to wait for the future unravel becomes so exceedingly high that we forget to cherish what we have in the here and now. We are so caught up about how are stories will end, that we forget to live the journey leading us to our destinations. And then when we’re finally there, we keep wondering what the hell were we doing all this time? Why were we so worried about the future, especially, one that isn’t in our hands. One that you have no choice but to leave to destiny. We should do what we can, sure. We should put our energies out in the universe, sure. But our desire to control the outcome, robs us of our mental peace, our relationships, those moments of joy which we would later look back, only to regret because we wasted them instead of cherishing them. So why give our peace away so easily? We hurt the people we hold the dearest, we hurt ourselves. For what?

Someone very close to me always tells me ” Let tomorrow worry for itself” and rightfully so. Tells me that I should do what I can and have to until I can do what I want to. It’s taken me a lot of time to come to terms with accepting this funda of life but maybe I’m starting to slightly grasp it ( yet royally failing to implement it!) But yes, maybe it does make sense after all. You cannot control what’s become and you cannot forsee what’s yet to come, but what you can do is, you can find the little things/moments of positivity and happiness in the way things are instead of sulking and breaking your heart over something you have no control over. Because if you really look around, there is a lot of love surrounding you. You only need to look for it in the right places! The problem with us is that we always end up searching for love and happiness in all the wrong places. It’s within us and it’s all around us. We need only open our heart to make its way into our lives.

Only time will tell… Part 4 💞💟

So just when she thought she had hit rock bottom

Somewhere within a new flower of hope blossomed

She decided to simply live each moment and give all her love

For she realised that she couldn’t unlove

And the only way forward was to let destiny tell its story

So she stopped feeling sor

For; to give love was her choice

Whether she received it or not, was not her voice

And love she got, oh boy

Sure not the way she hoped but love it was, what joy

They lived some of the most magical moments only to be later looked back at with regret.For neither of them knew which way they were headed

Like him, she was unsure too, scared even

But one day, it all became very clear, like some sort of epiphany

He was scared to hope, his fears far outweighed any desire to fly

And they both kept asking why

Why did their paths collide if it weren’t meant to be

It were so much more easier if they’d just stopped by the sea

But now they had set sail and come too far

Yet he was ready to jump off just to save her a lifetime of scar

But boy was she fierce…

He couldn’t let her go, she was one to fight

Her faith didn’t waiver a slight

She had her weak moments, sure

But their love, she knew was pure

So how could she give up, she had to see it through for both of them. And so they prayed, for only HE could set it all right and bring them home, to each other.

And one day, their prayers were answered.

Her belief won,

his worries quashed;

and their love conquered.

He said those three long awaited words

In that moment, she felt like she could fly; be one with the birds

His voice was like music

Symphony just for her ears

Their partnership had just started

The road ahead was definitely not for the fainthearted

So as they sailed into unchartered waters

They had their share of stormy tidewaters

But together they made history

With chimes ringing of their victory

As she walked down the aisle, he was waiting at the altar

Feeling grateful that she didn’t let her faith falter

Because when he looked at her in that white dress, he knew that it was all worth it. That they were both going to be home. And this time, this home had a heartbeat

So fate took its own sweet time to unravel their story. But all in HIS good time ✨

And time finally told 💘❤️

To read the other parts and related poems, follow the links below:

Was it the start of something new?.. Only time could tell

Only time will tell.. Part 2

The story continues

When love wasn’t enough

Only time will tell.. Part 3

Only time will tell…( Part 3) 💕💔

They knew they would always find a shoulder to cry on and a riot of laughter in each other

They knew they were treading on thin ice

And neither of them liked where they were headed

He had made up his mind, bound by his worldly shackles

And she, she was trying to hold on to the tiny thread of love with all that she had got

She was getting tired of the emotions making a fool of her

But she couldn’t bring herself to walk away

It wasn’t easy for him either, but he chose reality versus their dreams

Or at least that’s what they thought, because it indeed was the right thing

But her candle of hope was still burning strong, which is why it was so hard to let go

But times were getting rough, she wanted more, the lines were getting blurred and it was getting difficult to protect their friendship that they both swore would never fall apart in the wake of this flame of love burning in their hearts

It looked like he was ready to walk away, to save both of them the heart ache

But was that the truth? Would they both in fact walk away from something they knew had the potential to g Junive them an eternity of happiness? Were they ready to walk away or even ready to take the fall? Their lifetime of happiness was just a leap of faith away

Will they make it?

Only time could tell